What is Sexual Grooming?

Sexual abuse doesn’t always start with a single violent act. Unfortunately, it often begins with trust—especially in cases involving minors. Sexual grooming is a deliberate, manipulative process that assailants use to gain the trust of their victims and break down boundaries that would otherwise be clear and enforced. Grooming is particularly insidious because it often leaves victims wondering if they are to blame for their own sexual abuse, even though fault lies squarely with the assailant.

If you believe you or someone you love has been a victim of sexual grooming, we understand the pain and confusion you may be experiencing right now. Discuss your legal options with Taylor & Ring.

An overview of sexual grooming

Sexual grooming is a pattern of behavior that involves a predator preparing a victim for sexual abuse. It’s not the same as a single act of sexual abuse where the victim likely knows that what they experienced is wrong and a crime; when sexual grooming has occurred, victims are left wondering if they invited the assault, if it even was assault, and if they are at fault.

Grooming doesn’t always just target the victim. A predator may also seek to gain the trust of a victim’s family members, friends, and other people in their life to further integrate themselves into the victim’s life and get rid of potential sources of support.

Sexual grooming can happen in person or online. The rise of social media has sadly given predators access to many more potential victims.

Common stages of grooming

Grooming often occurs in clear stages. The first stage is choosing a victim. Groomers may choose a victim who has minimal outside support—those without friends, an uninvolved family, or who otherwise seem isolated. They often choose victims who have absent parents, low self-esteem, and mental health challenges that predispose them to doubting themselves.

Next, the predator gains their victim’s trust. They may claim to take an interest in the victim’s hobbies, provide help with academics or sports, or otherwise position themselves to be a trustworthy source of support.

The adult then moves into a position of trust in the child’s life. This often means filling a need in the child’s life—perhaps a parental figure for a child with absent parents, a protector for a child who has been bullied or neglected, or a confidant for a child who feels misunderstood. They build the child’s dependency on them by providing emotional support, financial support or gifts, and transportation.

Once their place in their victim’s life is established, the abuser may then isolate the victim from those who may recognize that they are a victim of abuse. That may mean physically getting them alone more often, causing them to distrust others in their life, or convincing the child that the predator is the only one who really gets them.

From there, the predator pushes boundaries regarding touch and sexual language or contact. By doing so slowly, they normalize the behavior and even cause the victim to doubt their own instincts that something is wrong.

Once the pattern of abuse is introduced, the groomer protects their role in the child’s life via threats, emotional manipulation, guilt and fear, and secrecy.

Who are the groomers?

When parents worry about groomers, they don’t often think of those who are statistically most likely to groom children. They worry about strangers—but in reality, the greatest threats to a child may include:

• Teachers
• Coaches
• Tutors
• Religious leaders and mentors
• Babysitters
• Family friends
• Mentors and counselors
• Relatives or step-parents
• Influencers, online celebrities, or adults pretending to be peers (when online grooming occurs)

You’ll notice that many of the people on this list have some sort of authority over the child. This isn’t a coincidence; those who seek to groom children often intentionally look for positions and roles they can exploit.

Warning signs of grooming behavior

It is crucial that parents and other loved ones know the warning signs of grooming so they can protect the children in their life. Instinct goes a long way in this area; even if you cannot pinpoint what feels wrong about someone, a gut feeling that something is wrong may be your cue to watch someone more closely. Red flags include:

• Excessive interest in one specific child
• Secretive behavior, such as private messages and texting
• Pushing boundaries despite a child’s or parent’s obvious discomfort
• Discouraging relationships with others, resulting in the child becoming withdrawn or isolated
• Efforts to make a child feel special or exceptionally mature for their age

Legal protections and criminal consequences

California has numerous legal protections in place for those who are targeted by groomers. While California law does not use the term ‘grooming’ as a specific criminal offense, behaviors commonly associated with grooming may be prosecuted under Penal Code § 288.3 — which makes it a crime to contact “a minor with the intent to commit a sexual offense.” This allows prosecutors to hold individuals accountable for grooming even if physical contact has not yet happened. Other related crimes include lewd and lascivious acts with a child and arranging a meeting with a minor for sexual purposes.

Those who are convicted of these crimes often face stiff penalties, including sex offender registration, prison time, and financial penalties. California has also extended or even eliminated the statute of limitations for many of these crimes.

How Taylor & Ring can help survivors and families

If you or someone you love has been a victim of grooming, it is important to find a trauma-informed attorney who understands the challenges you may face as you seek justice. We have handled many sexual assault cases in California, including high-profile cases and those involving minor victims. There are significant emotional and legal dynamics involved in grooming, and we take a compassionate and careful approach to avoid re-traumatizing survivors. Our goal is to pursue justice on your terms.

Let’s discuss your legal options now

If you suspect grooming or are grappling with the effects of past abuse, our team is here to help. During your consultation, we can help you understand your legal options and potential next steps. Get started now by calling or contacting us online.