What Are the Warning Signs of a Child Molester?

In 2022, almost 7% of child maltreatment in California involved some form of sexual abuse of a minor. While any and all child abuse is tragic, life-altering and preventable child sexual abuse is often particularly insidious and can be difficult to recognize.

That said, early identification of child sexual abuse can prove vital to ensuring children’s safety and supporting healing in the face of the unthinkable. While every case is different, research indicates that there are a few common warning signs associated with child molestation and abuse. Here’s a brief overview of the behaviors and traits to look out for when entrusting your child to the care of another person and a few suggestions on how parents and guardians can mitigate the risk of their children being victimized.

How common is child molestation?

While it might be tempting to believe that child molesters are mysterious “boogeymen” who lurk around dark corners, the unfortunate reality is that most child molestation cases involve much more familiar subjects. In fact, research demonstrates that roughly 90% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone known and trusted by the child or their family.

As if childhood sexual assault statistics weren’t shocking enough, experts suggest that childhood sexual abuse often goes underreported and subsequently is likely far more common than most of us would even believe. That’s because sexual abuse is often shrouded in secrecy and compounded by shame and stigma. Conflicting societal messages, beliefs, and values coupled with strained systemic resources may contribute to underreporting and lead victims and family members to sweep things under the rug or attempt to handle abuse “internally” rather than involving the authorities.

All of these factors combined make it possible for child sexual abuse to fly under the radar, leaving victims struggling without justice or adequate support. Education and knowledge can help counteract some of the common misconceptions about childhood sexual abuse, but ongoing investment and attentiveness from parents and guardians are often the most effective protective factors against child abuse and molestation.

What is grooming?

The word “grooming” has begun to appear more frequently in the common vernacular over the last several years, though there may be some lingering confusion around what grooming is (and is not). Because many child molesters are familiar figures in their victims’ lives, it can be harder to recognize when a child is being groomed for abuse or actively being harmed by an adult.

In our increasingly digital world, grooming can take place just about any time and anywhere. Regardless of whether the grooming occurs in person or online, the end goal is usually the same: to gain a victim’s trust, lower their defenses, and lay the foundation for violating their boundaries. Grooming often takes place over time, and many families report that they did not even realize what was going on until it was too late. That’s why it’s so important for parents and caregivers to take a proactive approach to recognizing and preventing abuse.

What does grooming look like?

In order to catch predatory behaviors as early as possible, it’s important to first familiarize yourself with some of the recognized signs of grooming. Ample research efforts and investigations have shed light on some common grooming behaviors, and parents can use this information to stay vigilant and act quickly in the event that they think their child is being victimized.

Here are a few examples of behaviors that might fall under the umbrella of grooming:

• Showering a child with gifts, money, or special privileges
• Isolating a child or spending a disproportionate amount of one-on-one time with them, particularly if that time is unsupervised
• Crossing or attempting to cross physical boundaries
• Encouraging a child to keep secrets from their parents or peers
• Threatening or “guilt-tripping” a child in order to maintain closeness and/or secrecy

These are just a few examples of what grooming can look like, but there are plenty of other behaviors that may serve as indicators that something inappropriate is going on. If you notice an adult engaging in any of these behaviors towards a child in your care, it is important to take swift action to protect the child from harm and notify the authorities.

Other signs to watch out for

Even before engaging in actual grooming behaviors, many predators will show signs of their ill intentions if you look closely enough. While not every adult who behaves oddly toward children is a predator, certain patterns may indicate risk and require more stringent oversight. In addition to some of the grooming behaviors discussed above, parents should also keep close watch for any adults in their lives who:

1. Go out of their way to work or volunteer in positions that involve children
2. Have a history of ignoring, questioning, or violating established boundaries or rules geared towards child safety
3. Appear to prefer the company of children to the company of adults
4. Regularly make inappropriate jokes, use mature language, or engage in inappropriate contact with children
5. Use social media, online gaming platforms, or messaging apps to communicate with children
6. Have a tendency to discourage a child’s relationship with other trusted adults or “bad mouth” parents and authority figures

In retrospect, many victims and parents will tell you they had a sense that something was “off” about a predator long before their conduct actually crossed the line. Even if you’re worried about seeming overprotective or “dramatic,” you should always trust your gut when you have any type of suspicion about an adult in your child’s life. Far too many parents are left struggling with feelings of guilt or regret after failing to act on their gut instincts, so it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

In addition to monitoring the behavioral patterns of adults, parents must also keep close watch on their children in order to catch any early signs of abuse. All children react differently to traumatic experiences like child sexual assault, but even seemingly minor changes can serve as red flags that something nefarious is going on. Parents should raise the alarm any time a child begins to withdraw from family or friends, experiences behavioral regressions, reports physical pain, or shows signs of injuries, diverges from their emotional baseline, or begins avoiding places or activities they used to enjoy.

At a minimum, these kinds of sudden changes should be cause for a conversation with the child. Keep in mind, however, that many children are resistant or afraid of speaking to adults about their abuse. That’s why it is important to consult with professionals like mental health care providers, doctors, and law enforcement agents any time you suspect your child is being abused.

Reporting abuse in California

If you suspect that someone is grooming or has already harmed a child, you should report your concerns to local law enforcement or child protective services immediately. Even if you are uncertain, professionals can help evaluate the situation and ensure your child is safe from further risk.

In California, adults can report suspected child abuse directly to one of the county’s 24-hour hotlines provided by the Department of Social Services. Once a report is filed, the county’s child protective services agency will investigate and report the case to law enforcement. These investigations may result in criminal charges. Some families may also choose to file civil claims to recover financial damages from their child’s abuser, as well as any institutions that may have enabled the abuse.

It’s important to work with an experienced lawyer if you’re considering filing a civil claim for child sexual abuse, as these cases tend to be complicated and emotionally taxing. The right attorney will understand the sensitive nature of your case and work to ensure you and your child are protected and respected throughout the process. Child sexual abuse can be life-changing, and victims should not be re-traumatized by the legal system in their efforts to seek justice.

Final thoughts

We all hope the people in our children’s lives have noble intentions and pure hearts, but the harsh reality is that it can be hard to know exactly what’s going on beneath the surface. Learning to recognize potential warning signs of child abuse and molestation is one of the best things you can do to protect your children and ensure anyone who might seek to violate them is brought to justice swiftly and successfully.

At Taylor & Ring, we understand just how difficult it can be to recognize the signs of a child molester, let alone prove when someone has done harm to a child. That’s why our team is firmly committed to supporting families in their time of need while using all the knowledge and resources we have to ensure that predators face consequences for their actions.

If you or someone you know suspects their child is being victimized, time is of the essence to foster safety and begin the process of seeking accountability. The sooner you can reach out to an attorney, the better, so the system can do its job with as little fallout as possible. If you’re interested in working with the Taylor & Ring team to hold a child predator to account, give us a call today or fill out our online contact form to schedule a free consultation. We’re here to listen to your story, advise you of your options, and work to ensure no one in your family feels alone or forgotten during this difficult time.